Tribute.

Thinking about the nature of loss this morning. I once had a WW teacher who said 'never say you want to lose weight, as if you lose something your instinct is to try to find it again' I laughed at the time, I am a chronic loser of things, and on top of that I never seem to find them again with the exception of pounds, I find them with 10 extra every time! Weight 'removal' is a weird, self obsessed, egotistical process, it takes ALL of my time and energy to do it, in fact I have very little time for other things, I find myself not wanting to go out and to be social usually, but this time I made a public announcement about it so that I didn't have to explain myself every time I was at a social gathering and had to refuse something. The funny thing was that facing one of my biggest fears- ie public humiliation- has changed a lot of things, you realize how many people in life struggle with this issue when you are willing to talk about it, you also realize that if you ask for help, you often get it. In this long grind, my honey has been a champion, I don't want to rely on him too much as what if just decided he had enough of watching every bite we put into or mouths, or he reaches his goal weight and wants to stop ,he is just a few pounds away in fact. I will still have to carry on forever, being a true addict and all.

I wanted to write today though about the sweetest thing he did the other night, when I got home from work, he had a tray set out with baked and salted sugar snap peas you can get from trader joe's, and a martini shaker and glass. Into the martini shaker went lemon juice and crushed ice which he shook up and poured in the glass along with a lemon twist which he topped off with sparkling water, it looked soooo nice and tasted pretty delicious, and made me feel like I had a cocktail, he also downloaded a chick flick and we watched it together, also previously unheard of for us (most of our collective movie rep included hobbits and light sabers)....yep, it was pretty perfect, but I also want to say things were not always this way, we used to fight a lot about food and the way to eat it and prepare it and who was in charge of it and where we should purchase it and how much of it we should consume-you name it, if it is food related we have argued about it, but this time has also been different, I don't know what exactly changed things, was it my public announcement, certainly South Beach is boy friendly, did he finally sense my true desperation but I don't know. I have also been very honest and very open about everything, even when I was frustrated I didn't stop talking and trying to verbalize what was going on (which is what I would have done before) and things just clicked for him and for us food-wise for the first time ever. Yes, I had a setback this week, yes it felt pretty major and like a giant failure, but once again what changed was that I actually got back on the wagon 24 hours later and have managed to stay on it since. As they say in smoking ads, never quit trying to quit! Having a true partner in what feels like the challenge of my life (which shows what a great life I've had if this is the worst part of it, I suppose) is nothing short of amazing. 'A burden shared is a burden halved'

So to my sweetie, who never protested being on my blog, or the fact that I have said some pretty harsh words about him on it before, thanks for the help, honey!