Day 1 ....AGAIN....@#%%^!

I have decided to go back onto Phase 1. I tried to do it yesterday but it did not work...wa wah. Actually maybe I made it not work. When I first started SB I did it at someone else's house, over my birthday, during a gig, usually those would all be huge obstacles, but quite frankly I was unbelievably motivated. Now I am sort of at a loss.

Ewww this blog is very hard to write, I keep speaking in cliches or being flippant and having to delete stuff and start again. My original idea behind my blog was to publicly shame myself into once and for all changing the way I felt about food-well sugar mainly. It worked very well I felt the weight(ha ha) of outside scrutiny as an extra motivational force, but that has faded for me too. I am trying to analyze what happened when this same feeling came over me before, and then do the opposite. I think that means being VERY honest about everything instead of retreating into the sugar haze I would like to hide in. I feel unmotivated and bored and at a loss. I am so frustrated with my career and frustration makes me hungry... and not care... and reckless food wise...

Oh good grief!